The Hunt

This is a re-worked canvas. I never did care for the original and I'm now needing a trip to Pearl unless I'm planning on working only in my journal.

I like the ambiguity of this one, called The Hunt. At first I intended for it to be the man hunting one of the women. But then I liked the balance of both women in there, which made me think that perhaps they're hunting him. Using the casual, "I'm not paying attention" approach . . . It has a sinister feel, I think. I rather like the idea of the women hunting him to exact revenge for some wrong he's done. I can see the one on the right getting closer . . .  

Mona Lisa Eyes

This may be my favorite of the three in this series. It's interesting to me that there really is such a thing as "Mona Lisa Eyes" (as the song says--you know in an instant that Leonardo painted these. I had some trouble balancing the composition and without her eyes as a dominant feature, the whole thing seemed too busy. Once I added them, though, it drew the differen smaller elements together for me.  

Another of my Manyunk-inspired collages. I'm kicking myself because I didn't get the artist's card and now I can't remember his name. . .  

Manyunk Arts Festival

Hope and I went to the Manyunk Arts Festival today. Most of what we saw was the usual "crafty" kind of art, but there was one artist we both loved. He did these amazing collages over paintings. Beautiful composition (very geometric) and just this incredible balancing of elements. My words can't really describe what he accomplished. I did three collages tonight, inspired by his esthetic sense, although there's just no way I come even close to what he produced. Part of what really got me was the quality of the execution. He did his collages on wood, rather than canvas, and uses a heavy varnish to seal everything. I'd love to be able to accomplish what he did. . .  

When we moved into the apartment, Darvin put this photo of him with his mom on the windowsill behind our bed. That evening we had a thunderstorm. I went into the bedroom to see if I needed to close the windows, but things seemed fine and we needed the fresh air. A few minutes later, Darvin went in to check and the photo had blown out the window--we could see it lying in its frame on the roof below us. I felt sick. Fortunately I'd scanned the image into the computer, so we still have a version of it. I made this for Darvin--a "remix" of a previous collage I did for him, but one that I like somewhat better. I wish I'd scanned the picture that D had of his dad--that blew out the window too.  

I LOVE how this one turned out. The colors, using the stencils--it just all came together in a way I really like. I wasn't going to put the little girl in, but then I was looking through one of my books and she seemed to need to stand here. 

I'm obviously in a kid kind of mood today. . . I'm also playing around with primary colors and with my pastels, which are fun. I'm in critical mode right now, so I'm also wondering how "artistic" I'm being when I feature a photo in each collage--it feels like all I'm doing is elaborate framing. . . . But I'm not going to go there.  

Spirited Kids

I found the little girl in an Italian magazine--an ad for something--kid locks, I think. I spent a few hours this afternoon working on backgrounds, a few art journal pages. Nothing remotely profound, but just going into a sort of Zen-like state, playing with glue and paint. Now it's time for a cookout. . .  

Life

Another abstract art experiment. The lips are what really do it for me. . .  

Ideal

It took me forever to get this background--paint, gesso, paper glued on and then taken off. . . I wasn't thrilled and then when I showed it to Darvin he said, "I love the background." That's why I'm marrying that man. . .  

Foreign News

Usually the art that I do has some personal meaning to me. It comes from some feeling or whatever that I'm trying to express. This was a a piece that's more political in a way. It's accidental, really. The only image placed with purpose is the two women reading the newpaper who pulled together all of the other elements. It's one of my better pieces, technically, although I'm not sure that I think it's one of my better pieces emotionally. 

The Other Thing That's Depressing Me This Morning

Here's the other thing that's depressing me this morning . . . in the past few months I've adjusted to the girls needing me less, at least for the most part. It's been almost 3 years since they began living with Joe more than with me and I know that they've grown used to living without my daily presence. It's taken me longer to stop bemoaning my fate in that regard, but I've gotten better, I swear it.

Occasionally, though--as now--I'm haunted by how they grow further and further away from me. On the one hand, I know that this is part of growing up for them, but on the other, I hate that. I hate that they can go a few days without talking to me and seem unfazed by that. I hate that they choose doing things with their friends over spending time with me. I should rejoice in the freedom that I now have, and many times I do, but then at other times, I hate it and want back the days when they needed and wanted me all the time.

Ali is "graduating" tomorrow from the middle school and will be at the high school next year. Jess is entering her senior year--one year left before college and being gone for good. I'll get a taste of that in a few weeks when she heads for Berkley and we won't see her until August. Having children has been one of the most painfully rewarding or most rewardingly painful experiences of my life. I wonder if I'll ever reach a point where I can stay satisfied with the place that I'm at with them?  

There Are No Holy Places and No Holy Hours

Last night we went to South Street with Hope to have dinner and shop for art supplies. On the way home, we began to talk about the girl who disappeared in Aruba. "Didn't she go off on her own with those guys?" asked Darvin? When we said, "Yes," he replied, "Well then she doesn't really deserve any sympathy. That was a REALLY stupid thing to do."

As we continued to talk, I could feel myself becoming angrier and angrier--this whole "blame the victim" mentality makes me insane. Yes, I KNOW that she was stupid to go off with three strange men--I would kill the girls myself if they did something that idiotic--but at the same time, it feels like everytime we do this--blame the woman for going off with someone, or for wearing certain clothes or for being in the wrong place at the wrong time--then we let the men off the hook for their behavior. It's as though we're saying, "Well, we understand that if presented with the temptation of a woman alone, it's of course understandable that you would rape and/or kill her." I know that's not what Darvin meant, but to me it feels that way. So we were in a fight for the rest of the evening.

I know that this is my issue, trying to resolve my little girl self who was in no way responsible for her molestation with my grown-up self who can provide her own protection and make her own good decisions. There's the little girl part of me who wants the world to be a good place where people do the right thing and don't hurt others. And there's the adult part of me who KNOWS that there's evil in the world and that you have to protect yourself from that.

"There are no holy places and no holy hours," reminds me that in the end, there's nothing sacred about any of us when we are faced with evil. Evil doesn't recognize life or the integrity of another person as sacred. In fact, it hates those things and seeks to destroy them. I can wish with all my little girl heart for life to be different, but it's not. That's a really depressing world view that I hate to have to adopt.  

Maybe I Should Say it with Music

My first attempt to do a more abstract kind of collage. In some ways, "abstract" seems like it should be easier, since I'm not really trying to make something in particular. But in some ways, it's much harder, because I can't "see" what I may want in the same ways. The title--"Maybe I Should Say it with Music," is a sort of wry commentary on me trying to say anything with art.  

Amore

Another Moleskine journal page. I LOVE the photo of the women. It's from an Italian magazine. European ads are so much more interesting and "edgy" than American ads, I'm finding.  

Moleskine Journaling

I've been debating for weeks about whether or not to buy a Moleskine journal. Finally, this weekend I did. This one is a "Large Sketchbook" version--the pages are hardier and stand up to paint and gel medium, which is what I wanted. I also like how the pages flatten out so that I can do spreads across the two pages. I told Darvin that for now I'm just "flexing my muscles," trying to get some paint and paper working together to create SOMETHING.